What is it about the subject of death that repels us? It is a subject that is oftentimes joked about or avoided altogether. It makes most people nervous.

It is the fear of the unknown. What really happens when we die? Is that all there is? Does the dying person cease to exist at the moment of death? If not, where does he go? What happens to him?

These and other age-old questions have caused many people to ponder on the meaning of life and death.

Opposition in All Things

“For it must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things” 2 Nephi 2:11

How can you know a bitter taste if you have never had sweet?

How can you know joy if you’ve never had sorrow?

How can there be beginnings without endings? Birth without death?

New Beginnings

Did life begin at conception?

We lived before we were born to this world. We had a life before this life. We had family, friends, interests, and learning. We are a part of an eternal family. This world is patterned after the one we came from. Our Heavenly Father and Mother were, I believe, a little sad to see us leave and go to this “school” we call Earth. Although They can see us and know of our every doing, we are so often out of touch with Them. When my own children get caught up in their own lives I miss the relationship, and have joy in my heart when they contact me. How long do we go in this life without making an effort to contact our loving Father in Heaven? How much joy can we bring to Him with the effort to reconnect? And to ourselves?

There is nothing more joyful than the birth of a new baby. Those of us who welcome the new one to our family are overjoyed. But what of those who had to say goodbye to that sweet spirit on the other side? To them it must seem as a death. Their loved one has moved on.

Death is a Second Birth

When the time comes for us to leave this earth and return to our real home it is as a second birth. Those of us left behind will mourn our loss of companionship. We are sorrowful for ourselves, our loss. But the person who dies will be met with joy and rejoicing. The beloved son or daughter has returned from that school called Earth, and there will be a lot of happy reunions and rejoicing.

As a ship sails away we watch. It gets smaller and smaller on the horizon until, at last, it disappears, and we say “She is gone.” But at that moment on the other shore another will shout, “Here she comes”. That is dying.

In every man's heart there is a secret nerve that answers to the vibrations of beauty.  ~Christopher Morley

Flowers after a long cold winter is a wondrous beautiful thing.  I think crocuses were given a special job, to give hope and peace to the winter-weary heart.

But what of the lowly weed?  How can something that torments us at every turn be a thing of beauty?  

    Anything that you can look at with a sense of wonder can be a beautiful thing.

When a fish swims, it swims on and on, and there is no end to the water. When a bird flies, it flies on and on, and there is no end to the sky. There was never a fish that swam out of the water, or a bird that flew out of the sky. When they need a little water or sky, they use just a little; when they need a lot, they use a lot. Thus they use all of it at every moment, and in every place they have perfect freedom." ~ Dogen

As promised I am posting the photos of my final project. You get to see the entire process, even the disaster.

Photo Reference:  My neighbor's house.  Shhhh, don't tell them I took this.

My sketch of the scene I wanted to paint:

Painted in with Gouache before the inking.  All areas left white will be jet black with the ink.

With the layer of ink on.  As soon as it's dry I will attempt the wash off.

Beginning the wash off.

My first attempt.....a DISASTER.  This is what made me want to give up and quit. The ink wouldn't wash off. You can see where I tried to rub it off with my finger which ruined the paper underneath.  There are places around the moon that I really liked, but the trees were awful and there was no sky!

I tried again.  And this time the wash off was really fun to watch.  I had Abby take photos of the whole thing, but I'll only post a couple on here.

I only had to touch up a few areas with paint over the top and  I was done.  I'm pretty glad I did it over.  It turned out better than I expected.

They say that you only remember a little of what you see, a little more of what you see and hear.  The more you become involved in the "lesson" the more you retain. 

Some lessons are much more painful than others. You can tell a child not to touch a hot stove. He hears what you are saying, but doesn't really comprehend or appreciate the word "hot".  It isn't until he actually feels the heat and pain that he starts to understand.

As I'm working on my art, my mind oftentimes takes a journey.  I stop thinking in words and enter a world of feeling.  As I'm painting a tree I don't think, "I need a line here and that color's not right.  A knothole in the trunk would be good."  Instead the paintbrush dips and strokes, grabbing this color here, mixing with that color there.  It strokes and dabs, swirls and trails off.  The tree begins to grow and develop.  It happens because I feel what is right, and am bothered by other things that I change until it feels right. 

I read a story about a man who was a pilot.  He said his goal was for the wings of the plane to feel like extensions of his outstretched arms, soaring up in the air as natural and free as if he were a gliding bird.  That's the way I want to feel when I create. And it's the way I can tell I'm making good art.  My best efforts come from within.  Whenever I try to copy or imitate another's work I struggle and am frustrated.  Invariably the part I copy is the weakest part of my painting. I need to trust myself to manifest what is within me.

My final painting for class has been kind of like touching a hot stove.  It's been a painful and frustrating experience. 

I had an image in my mind.  I wanted to do a spooky house on a hill, craggy trees framing it and a large full moon behind.  Our methodology for this one was to paint using thick layers of Gouache paint. Once the paint was completely dry you quickly paint a layer of India ink over the entire piece, covering everything.  Once the ink is completely dry you take it to the sink and let a stream of water run over it.  The ink washes away leaving behind a very interesting  textural feeling to the piece.

I painted for over 10 hours on my haunting scene.  It looked pretty good, I thought. Although one of my craggy trees bothered me a little.  It just didn't feel right.  I'd copied much of it from another piece of art that I admired.

After my paint dried I poured on the India ink, spread it around and waited for it to dry.  The second the last of it sealed over I began to run the water over the piece and waited for the magic to happen.  Ink washed off the moon quite readily and looked awesome, leaving the silhouette of the house against it.  But the rest of the ink refused to budge. With a sinking feeling I realized that all my hard work was permanently encased in coal-black ink.

I was disheartened.  I felt tired of painting and art.  I hated the thought of trying again and gave up.

Today in class I had my disastrous piece art-side down on my desk.  I was not excited about showing it to my professor.  And I definitely didn't want to do another one. When he came around to see my work I reluctantly turned it over.  He saw my vision.  He could tell what I wanted to accomplish and the mistake that I had made.  He praised the part that worked.  He asked to see my design, which I showed him.  He thought it was good.  All except for that tree.  You can design that better, he said.  And I knew it was true.  It was the tree I hadn't designed at all.  It was  the tree that I didn't trust myself enough to do. 

I came home, energized and excited about trying again.  This time I only painted for 5 hours.  It was like the wings of the plane were extensions of my outstretched arms. I painted with my feeling instead of my intellect.  It went much faster, and was better.  MY tree was a joy to paint. 

When the paint dried I poured on the ink and waited nervously for it to dry. And then the scariest part.  As the water stream touched the ink it immediately began to peel away.  It was a beautiful thing to watch.  Each patch of ink that floated off the paint revealed a magical scene underneath.  It was exciting to realize that this time it had worked!

And so are the lessons learned.  In life as in art.  Sometimes you get disheartened and want to quit.  You turn your face down and try to hide.  It is at that critical juncture that you have a choice.  You can either stay in your misery, and never learn the lesson that is yours to learn, or you can turn yourself over and ask for help from the Master.  He will see what you were trying to accomplish, he will see the mistakes that you've made.  And he'll see the beautiful parts that worked out just fine.  He can help you if you listen.  And you can feel energized and ready to try again.  This time you will succeed because you've felt the touch of the Master's hand.

Tomorrow I will post photos of this project, from sketch to disaster to final piece.

Despite the fact that it snowed a bit this morning the feeling of spring is in the air.  I took my camera to the nature park and saw that I wasn't the only one who could feel it.

The ducks who live there are busily finding mates.  Unattached females swim round  with an entire entourage of males close behind.  One hapless girl was almost drowned by 2 boys who wanted her for their own, while a 3rd waited close by.  Once the female chooses a male the attachment is complete.  They will remain together.  The female will sit on her eggs, leaving them each evening for a rendezvous with her mate in the nearby lake or river.  She will carefully pluck down from her body and cover her precious eggs, insulating them from the cold until she can return.

I slept and dreamt that life was joy

I awoke and saw that life was service

I acted and behold service was joy

       Rabindranath Tagore

Today has been a great day.  The family is all healthy and happy.  Andy drove down last night and spent the night and today with David.  I love seeing my boys getting along and having a good time.  They golfed and played games.  10 years age difference doesn't seem to matter much any more.  I visited with my mom and dad and found my dad out of his recliner.  He was perkier and more full of life than I've seen him for a long time.  They had cut his dosage of Vidaza.  It was just too powerful and was dragging him down. My mom said he was even actually eating.  It's so nice to see him enjoying his life a little bit again.  I came home and worked on my painting.  This will be the last one for the class.  Finals are next week.  I look forward to starting something new.

Something I read today in my book by Wayne Dyer:

     "I urge you to simply accept the fact that you'll never get it all done, and begin to live more fully in the only moment that you have -- now!"

I believe it and have even put it in my mission statement, "Enjoy the journey"

"Men are that they might have joy."

                  2nd Nephi 2:25

Because I have been given much, I too must give;
Because of thy great bounty, Lord, each day I live;
I shall divide my gifts from thee
With every brother that I see
Who has the need of help from me.

Because I have been sheltered, fed by thy good care,
I cannot see another’s lack and I not share
My glowing fire, my loaf of bread,
My roof’s safe shelter overhead,
That he too may be comforted.

Because I have been blessed by thy great love, dear Lord,
I’ll share thy love again, according to thy word.
I shall give love to those in need;
I’ll show that love by word and deed:
Thus shall my thanks be thanks indeed.

-- Grace Nowell Crowell

If you can stand to look at more leaf paintings you've come to the right place.

After yesterday's critique I came home and tweaked it a bit.  Then I wanted to try another one with a different background color and a different way to ink the leaf.

Here are the results:

Before critique.....

After the fix.......  (I rewashed off the background, and softened the shadow edge in the back.)

And the alternate leaf......

It was an interesting technique.  Not my most favorite, but kind of interesting anyway,  For our next project we paint first and then pour India ink over the entire thing.  Let it dry and then wash off the ink.  I tried a small sample last night and it was a disaster.  My ink wouldn't wash off.  I think I need to try another brand.  I guess that's why they call this class Media Experimentation.